All That I know is I'm Breathing

I should be searching the Web for flights to Dubai, but instead I thought I would catch up on everyone's blogs. Then I got inspired to write on my own little blog. I have no stories, but just a need to write something.

The song currently on my iPod is Ingrid Michaelson's "Breathing." It is a gorgeous song, and 500 bazillion times better than the Titanic theme song that is being played at this internet cafe a.k.a. my second home. I must admit that I have repeated "Breathing" quite a few times. It is entirely fitting for the things flitting around in my head.

I am supposed to purchase a plane ticket to Dubai for March 25th. I am excited to be leaving the bakery here, but sad to leave a city I've only seen glimpses of. I am thrilled to go to a new work environment, but concerned that I will hate it there too. I guess with all jobs and places one leaps to, it will always be a gamble. It may not work out. I may have to go home with my head down and with a few more creases in my foreward. All the uncertaintity mingled with current disappointments is disrupts my sleep and confuses my thoughts. So I have to remind myself to keep breathing.

Part of me feels like I have totally failed here, and thus I am gun-shy about showing up at a busy bakery run by a friend. I don't want to fail there either. I am usually a girl who tries to make lemonade (or a nice lemon tart) out of the lemons handed her. But here my lemons were wormy and rotten. I salvaged what I could and made a few friends, saw relics from ancient civilizations, and got two rambunctious boys to sing a couple of Primary songs. That little bit of tangy lemon was so good, but it didn't outweigh the unusable mess of that awful bakery and I have to throw it all away.

So after all the meltdowns, I have to go forward, keep breathing, and try again. I hope Dubai will be better. I know I will probably end up working a lot more than I am here. But I also know that the bakery is run by much better people. People who are concerned enough about my welfare to make sure I have an apartment when I arrive--an apartment with actual appliances.

I guess I should go look for plane tickets now. I need to get out of this place because while I am trying to just keep breathing, I hate breathing in my neighbor's Marlboro fumes.