Sunday, May 31, 2009

Clifford's Gonna Be a Thug

Back in the kitchen (at work), we listen to a lot of music to help the day move along quickly. The Filippinos we work with tend to reach the radio/iPod docking station before anyone else, and they obviously pick the music with which to start our day. I really wish I was the fastest person to the radio, but even if I was they would change the music the minute I take a nature break. We mostly listen to Jason's iPod, and I must say he has quite the range of music, however there is only a small handful of songs* that I actually want to listen to. He has a lot of Avril Lavigne, adult contempory, American Idol, the Tarzan soundtrack.... When we go on break so our dishawasher can scrub the floor, he changes the music to Josh Groban and other super sappy love songs. (He even has one CD that has snippets of the cheesiest of love songs, i.e the Titanic theme, "Our Precious Love"... tethered together with the same pop-synthesized percussion.) By eleven in the morning all that cliched, cheesy, gobbledy-gook makes me want to destroy the hearing mechanisms in my ear.

But I am not quite sure how to go about that process, so there is only one thing to do: purge the schmaltz-fest with something else. Since I know my music is not mainstream enough for their tastes, I reach for Chef Aaron's iPod and head straight for the rap section. After a few bars of anything from Eminem or Tupac I calm right down and enjoy my work a whole lot more. Interesting, eh?

Isn't it also interesting that the only girl in the bakery pleads for music that is at times offensive? Chef Aaron teased me this morning saying that with their music the guys in the bakery are trying to teach me that "women have feelings and are not objects. And you respond with, 'I gotta slap me some $#*#&$ and #($*#.'" (Insert deragotive vocabulary here...unless you don't what I mean because you don't listen to rap music.)

It is further interesting because I for the most part cannot stand rap music. For some reason I just really, really, really need to listen to it after hearing to the same Josh Groban songs. All. Morning. Long.

* Jason has a good deal of Journey. And I like listening to that.

Saturday, May 23, 2009



Just Another Unsatisfied Customer

As many of you very well know, I decided to leave the corporate world and work in a bakery because I often had thoughts about owning my own little bakeshop. I have begun to reconsider this plan. As hesitant as I am to announce that yet again I have come up with a new career path, I just want you all to know I have very valid reasons for reconsidering this move.

1. I miss weekends, 8-hour workdays, and working 5 days a week. I am tired-nay-exhausted, and I want my life back. I just don't know how long I can keep up my current level of "dedication."

2. I'm not a schmoozer. My boss Dana is always chatting away with the press and telling everyone about the bakery. I'm not forward enough to talk to strangers and tell them about how awesome my stuff is. (I guess that's what PR is for--hmmm. I could at least write my own press releases.)

3. I have HORRIBLE, terrible, beyond shabby customer service skills. In my world, the customer is hardly right. They are annoying, picky, and generally have zero creativity. (If I have to write a red inscription on another pink cake...).

Here's a story to illustrate how I deal with horrible customers:
We have customers from a certain ethnic group (not local Emirati) who feel they can get something for nothing. I've not had much contact with said ladies since Chef Aaron usually goes to speak with them about their issues. But when he took a little trip to New York, I had to deal with probably the worst customer I have ever had to talk to.

Early in the week I received an email stating thus:
"Request you to please confirm at the earliest if this cake can be made. (2 kgs)
Please do not put the picture on the cake - do let me know if you cannot draw some parts of the t-shirt."


And the sender posted a picture of a rather cool polo shirt that made me a little nervous. (posted above.) I was also a little confused by the email. I am not going to even pretend to know what size a 2 kg cake is. She also gave zero info about what flavor she wanted, how many people to serve...or what parts of the t-shirt she actually wanted on the cake. I shot off a quick email, and waited for a response. She never sent one so I called her. We discussed varying sizes and flavors, and she asked if we photocopy pictures for cake tops (we do not), and finally decided that she wanted a quarter-sheet chocolate cake with the ponies, stripe and #3. However, she was not willing to pay the minimum AED 450 for the cake. (I warned her that with the decoration, it would end up being around AED 550. She folded; too rich for her blood.

Two days later she calls back because no one else is willing to take the order. So we went back to the nitty-gritty of the order. She verified again that we don't do photocopies, and asked if the cake would have cake sleeves and a collar. I informed her that we do not do shaped cakes just circles or rectangles. She said that was fine, but wanted to again verify that we could do the ponies, stripe and number. Yes, of course. We settled on colors, flavors, and then the price. I was feeling so excited about the cake, and that added a layer of unnatural generosity on my part, I only charged her the minimum for decoration and gave her a 10% discount, so AED 405 ($110).

Here's my interpretation of what she wanted:


Close up of the pony sillhouete.


The full cake. I am not too proud of the three. It is a little tilted. I should have used a stencil to make it straighter. (P.S. Don't admire my drawing skills too much. I created a stencil for the polo scene.)

A while after I sent the cake off with our delivery driver, I received a phone call from a very angry customer. It was the cake-lady and she was p-i-s-s-e-d. Apparently this is not what she wanted. She wanted me to draw the entire t-shirt.

Really? She exclaimed that she told me to draw the t-shirt and that she wouldn't pay AED 450 for something she didn't ask for. I don't like being yelled at by a complete stranger over something that I worked pretty hard on, so immediately I got a little crabby at her. I re-read her email--NOWHERE does it state that she wants the t-shirt on the cake. Even in our phone conversation, after telling her that we don't do shaped cakes, she never said draw the entire t-shirt. She was always focused on the ponies, stripe and number.

After explaining that to her, she continued to yell. What did I do. I raised my voice right back at the ______ (insert favorite expletive for obnoxious females here). Yeah, so in most customer service oriented businesses, it is not a good idea to raise your voice at a customer. Even if she was TOTALLY and COMPLETELY in the wrong. I remembered that standard operating procedure, and continued to talk to her with my inside voice, albeit a curt, and snippy inside voice. I explained that it was a miscommunication on both sides (which she disagreed with whole-heartedly) and if I understood her instructions there was no way I would have only charged AED 450. With all those elements, I could easily charge AED 550 ($150). She was even more upset about that and ranted about going to Mr. Baker and getting a 5 kg cake for AED 300.
I nearly suggested that she go to Mr. Baker instead, but I stayed quiet.

Now she didn't want the cake, and what was I going to do about it. I said, "If you don't want the cake, send it back." (Code for: you don't deserve that cake _____ (alternate defamatory word)!! Go to #*$#*& and #$#$*&# off!) I had to use code because if I actually said those things to her, she could have had me put in jail for as long as she wanted. Seriously.

In a huff, she hung up the phone and the disappointed cake made a sad journey back to the bakery. We scraped off the message in hopes that someone would buy it, but it didn't happen.

After my unproductive conversation with that lady, and a minor meltdown, I was able to clear my head a little and I finally realized what she really wanted me to do. She was simply trying to get another discount from me. This has happened on other occasions when other members of that certain ethnic group leave out a detail or two about their overly-designed cake plans just so they can complain and request a discount to counter the "shoddy" craftmanship. I was a little upset that I could have easily knocked a few dirhams off the price to avoid the whole scene. However, I was also pretty pleased that I didn't give in to evil plot. Her plan didn't work; she has no cake for the birthday party. Look who's crying now _____ (you know what to add).

It is true, I made a bit of a mistake on the order. I should have asked more questions about the design. But seriously, is the cake so bad that I need to turn myself into the CakeWreck blog?

I didn't think so.

Monday, May 11, 2009

This May or May Not Come as a Surprise

A while back I was "tagged" on Facebook for one of those "25 Things About Me" which are always fun, but sometimes requires a bit of thought. My cousin usually does something similar on her birthday, so I thought I'd take a page out of her book and do the same. Thus not limiting this exercise to 25, but I'll favor you with 8 extra items for a grand total of 33. This may be a bit of a challenge as I haven't even started to brainstorm which things I want to share. Some things may be well-known traits, but I hope to surprise a few of you as well.

1. I like clothes. I like to look at them in stores and magazines and imagine all the wonderful outfit combinations I can make, and what I would look like if I had those pieces. However when I try them on I think I look awful, so I have a pretty basic wardrobe.

2.I used to draw clothes on my paper margines in elementary school. I don't sew very well. I think that is because I shunned the hobby after being teased so much in junior high for wearing home-sewn clothes. Now I wish I was a better seamstress.

3. I don't like crowded spaces. When the bakery gets filled with customers I tend to feel really stressed out. How I managed New York, I will never know. Of course, I did avoid most of the tourist-faves.

4. Once I made a list of things that I liked/made me happy. Most of the things on the list were food items. I.e. Meyer lemons, avocados, pie, fish tacos... I think I managed to think of other things like flannel sheets and France, but it does make me a tad concerned over my relationship with food.

5. I tend to feel homesick for locations that are not always my home. This happens at telling moments too. I long for Texas while watching Friday Night Lights, Spokane during Thanksgiving, France during the Tour de France, and right now I would do anything to be in Italy while I keep up with the Giro d'Italia. I also tend to be England-sick for the rest of the time.

6.This is harder than I thought.

7. This is probably hard because I generally have a hard time expressing my feelings about people. I think my sister is not the only one with Asperger's in the family...

8. I have really inspiring friends and family. I am always in awe of their talents, whether it be writing, sewing, crafting, mothering, gardening, teaching. So many people that I want to be like when I grow up. I would mention names but that goes beyond my emotion comfort level. Let's just hope you know who you are.

9. I was going to dedicate a blog entry about this one--and maybe I still will. I've been thinking that this whole "what I want to be when I grow up" thing has nothing to do with a job, and more about a way of life. I'm wondering if I am headed in the right direction. Yep, a blog entry would be better for this thought.

10. I speak Spanish and French. However, I cannot seem to manage Arabic or Tagolog (the language of the rest of the staff here.)

11.Have I mentioned that I love professional cycling? It's an odd thing for a girl without a bike of her own to like, but I do. I think the whole thing is fascinating.

12. I like being quirky. Maybe that explains the cycling-love.

13. I am, shall we say...opinionated. Some people maybe label my opinions as snobiness. I have no problems being a little particular about what I read, watch, listen to and eat. This is my body and spirit, after all.

14. I am opinionated about music. This is no shocker. My music collection may not appeal to the mass population, but it is quality. No cliched love-lorn lyrics. No over-paid or over-exposed divas. (Maybe the Gallagher brothers could be considered over-paid divas.) Anywhoo. I love music that has new and inspiring lyrics, and I can't turn down a song with a driving bass line. I also like some instrumental rock. I'm really into Explosions in the Sky.

15. I don't drink as much hot chocolate as I used to. This is not just because I moved to the desert. A year prior to my departure I stopped drinking it. In the winter I would have about a cup a day. Now it's like one every four months.

16. Oh vey. Are you bored yet? Maybe I am not so interesting after all.

17. I can pick things up with my toes. They are rather dexterous. I may try writing with them. It's probably a good skill to have if I ever lose use of my arms.

18. I wish I was a runner. I could be a runner...if my knees didn't protest so much. I think I am going to sneak running into my exercise regime little by little until they don't realize that I am actually running.

19. I think my legs are my best body-feature. They are nice and long.

20. I'm also pretty pleased with the fullness of my upper lip. I think it makes them kissable.

21. I hate being interrupted, especially at work. When I am working on a project, I like to stay 100% focused. This, however, does not apply to packing or cleaning my room.

22. Any discussion of dating and relationships takes me to the dark place. I hate discussions that don't change the current situation of a thing...like dating.

23. I lived for many years in fear of a man with a hook for a hand living under my bed.

24. I think I have an addictive personality. I get obsessed with things like Friday Night Lights and Keane. I do consider myself a recovering Chapstick addict.

25. I live with a Pakistani family. They are wonderfully kind and generous.

26. I am not a good swimmer. I hate putting my face in the water. I hate when water trickles down my face when showering.

27. Almost there. I wish I was a better writer. I regret all the dance classes I took at BYU when I could have (should have) been taking writing classes.

28. I want to retire in Villefranche-sur-mer. It's this totally charming village next to Nice.

29. I would marry an Englishman for his accent alone.

30. Probably not. I am actually a little picky. He would have to be attractive and have an English accent. (I would also accept Irish, Scottish, Australian, New Zealand, French, Italian and possibly South African accents.)

31. Since working at a couple of cupcake bakeries, I can now say that I have a favorite dessert. I like fruit desserts. OK, that doesn't exactly narrow it down to one specific dessert. But I know that if I had to choose between chocolate mousse and a lemon tart, I would choose the tart. I like the mixture of tart and sweet.

32. I think I would like to start my baked goods business at a farmer's market.

33. The last one. It has to be good. Really good. I can be a little stand-offish when getting to know people. I am a little guarded. In fact, previous roommates have mentioned being a little intimidated by me. I am partly proud of that achievement, and mildly concerned. I don't mind looking intimidating, but only if that wasn't because I struggle to find ways to start a conversation with new people. I keep a rather small circle of friends, even though I am constantly surrounded by people that I would like to be friends with, but I can't quite seem to make the connection.

Phew. That was it. Congratulations if you made it through all of them. (I won't be offended if you get bored.) That was the most challenging exercise of my 33 years. So, were you surprised? is there anything that I need to expand upon?

Tuesday, May 05, 2009


The Glamorous. Oh the Flossy Flossy.

Ever since my 28th birthday, I have felt the need to have some sort of exciting thing to do, whether it be a smashing party, dinner with friends, a concert, or moving to the other side of the country. This year, since I am still new to the country and have such a limited number of friends, I was afraid that this birthday would be a pity party for one with enough birthday cupcakes to soothe my wounded emotions. Fortunately, I remembered that Dubai is full of really unique activities...provided that one has enough money to pay for such diversions.

I haven't researched it yet, but I am pretty sure that I don't have enough money to go swimming with dolphins at the Atlantis Hotel (maybe next year), but a movie at a Gold Class Cinema is in my price range. When I looked up this option last week I nearly gave up on that idea too because the cinema was showing that Mall Cop movie. Umm. No. I am not going to pay 110 dirhams ($34) for a dumb movie. Sunday, I checked the Web site again, and with much elation I saw that one of the movies showing at the Gold Class was "X-Men Origins: Wolverine." I was so giddy that my friend Aaron was prompted to ask, "How old are you turning?" My response: "Twelve." Aaron couldn't go with me as he was working (suckah!!), but he recommended I invite one of his friends, Nancy, whom I am just getting to know. I was very glad that she was eager to go as well. Plus she has a car, and that meant I didn't have to pay cab far for the Mall of the Emirates.

The MOE, is probably the swankiest mall I have ever been to--that is, until I visit the new Vegas-y Mall of Dubai. I am sure many of you have heard about the indoor ski slope here in the UAE. Well, it is as the MOE.


The mall is about two stories tall. The 1st level is filled with stores that most of the common folk can afford. (Except for H&M, there isn't much I can afford.) The second floor is filled with the fancy stores like Louis Vuitton, Tiffany's, and Carolina Herrera, you know...the places you would visit if you needed something to wear to the Oscar's.

So, you are probably wondering what this Gold Class Cinema is all about. It's pretty much the best movie watching experience you could ever have. It's a little like watching a movie at your house, in a Laz-E-Boy recliner, a blanket should you need one, with state-of-the-art surround sound and screen. Oh, and a waiter at your beckon call should your ginormous cup of carbonated beverage empty before the movie ends. It's like that. No fighting over the armrest, no one kicking your seat, no sticky theatre floors.

Upon entering the theatre lobby, you choose what you would like to eat during the movie. I vascillated over having a burrito or a burger. I ended up going with a bacon cheeseburger because 1) it's my birthday and I wanted free-calorie fries; and 2) it is harder to mess up a burger than a burrito. (I learned that is not entirely true. Beef bacon is not bacon, and never will be.) I also ordered a Big-Gulp-sized cup of Diet Coke. It's amazing I slept at all last night.


Then I got myself all comfy in my seat and waited for the movie to begin. The recliners were so comfortable, and they reclined all the way back. Awesome. (Please note, that when eating a burger with ketchup and mustard "all-the-way reclined" may result in you getting said condiments all down the front of your only nice blouse.)
The movie was good enough, but the chair and service really made the cost worth it for a birthday treat. I pretty much only wanted to see that movie for three reasons: 1) it was not "Mall Cop"; 2) Taylor Kitsch (a.k.a. Tim Riggins on Friday Night Lights) plays Gambit; and 3) Hugh Jackman has a few scenes where he is not wearing a shirt. Good times.

Due to my long legs, I've always wanted to recline like this at regular movies. Too bad I can't afford this all the time. If the A/C was on too high, I would have even requested a blanket. You can't beat that.

The other thing I wanted for my birthday was a piece of berry pie. I went to this French cafe-type restaurant to find something that fit the bill, and I instead ordered a slice of rhubarb pie. It was delicious, and probably even more so since I hadn't had rhubarb in a while. Maybe I'll get a berry pie of sorts tomorrow when I join the ladies from church at Le Pain Quotidien.
So that was how I celebrated my birthday. Like a rockstar. Dubai-style.