Last fall I got a phone call from a fellow I talked to at a single adult conference (and who I actually met when we both lived in Bellevue) to tell me that a lady in my ward wanted to set us up, and since he didn't know who I was he thought it might be a good idea. However, he warned, that he was dating someone so the "date" wouldn't lead to anything. Since I actually knew who he was, I let him know we didn't need to go out.
A few weeks later, he must have gotten out of whatever relationship that was, because he called again looking for baking tips. He was asking a lot about bread baking which I don't know much about bread, I suggested he talk to my mom. He came over and talked to my mom. She was actually surprised that that was all he wanted. Somehow I wasn't.
A few days later he called again, and this time asked me out. After finding what kind of restaurants I liked (I said Indian because it is tasty), he promised to find the best Indian restaurant in Spokane for our date. With the prospects of a good Indian dinner I was kind of looking forward to the date, but not really looking forward to the person I would be spending time with. But I thought I'd give it the old college try. That lasted 5 minutes. After picking me up, he announced that we were not going to have Indian food, we would instead go to the grocery store and create as good a meal as possible under $10. And the cheaper the better. Awesome. That's so much better than Indian food. In some weird alternate universe that I do not want to be a part of.
We ate a glamourous spaghetti dinner and watched a movie. Then he took me home, and I hoped he wouldn't call again.
Oh, but he did. He wanted to have a religious discussion and then watch a movie. He warned me that there would be no food. I agreed because I still felt that I should make an attempt, after all I hadn't made many friends and I thought perhaps a second chance might be fine. Yeah. Our religious discussion ended pretty quickly. He complained about the Book of Job, and when I shared my thoughts he got up and walked away. No response, no rebuttal, he just focused his efforts on finding a movie.
I enjoyed the movie, while he slept...all the way until the end of the movie when he apologized for falling asleep, and then slept some more. He drove me to his house, so I sat there wondering if I remembered the directions to his house enough to have my dad come get me. At 11:30 I woke him up and he took me home. Ye Olde College Try was officially over.
A couple of weeks ago I was a little sad that another Saturday night had arrived and I had no plans and friends to call. So when this fellow called at 11:30 at night to ask me out I said yes. But after much thought I called him back to cancel. He really only wanted to learn how to make creme brulee (our activity for the evening after going to the grocery store to buy another under-ten-dollar dinner). And I didn't want to go out with him; I was just sad and lonely. And that is not enough reason to go out on a date.
Believe it or not, this is kind of huge for me. Normally I would have gone and complained about it later, while bemoaning my terrible life.
It was also huge that I didn't convince myself to like him and put up with all of that.
Crappy dates. Yes. But it was a valuable growing moment for me.
